How many times do we ask ourselves what we are doing here on earth? What is this ride really supposed to be about, and what is my part in this huge cosmic scheme? When you awaken in the morning and start the new day, do you feel direction in your life along with a sense of purpose and meaning? As you retire at night do you feel you have contributed something of value that makes you feel good about what you put into the mainstream of life today?

These questions, however we ask them are an inescapable part of our existence and journey throughout this life time. So many people walk through their life unconscious, disconnected, numbed out and clueless, in regard to what their purpose is for being here. When I, Bob, was in college, I had an opportunity to do community based work in a little school house for Special Needs kids as a way of earning college credit. It was in the 60s, during the time of “Tune in, Turn on, and Drop Out” and with no shortage of “Altered State” experiences; the opportunity to work with these kids was the highlight of my college years.

I felt so gratified in the sharing of myself with those in need. And the receptivity and appreciation that I experienced from these kids was without parallel.   I knew, without knowing, that I had found my Passion and Purpose. It took many years to let go of self defeating behaviors and attitudes in order to recognize that being in service to others was my “calling”. There is no doubt in my mind that I was tapping into my authenticity when in service to these kids.

When you look at the work you do and the roles you play as parent, partner, community member, son/daughter, etc. it is quickly evident that there is some form of service embedded in all of these different roles. We are inherently wired to give and to serve. Whatever these roles in service are for each of us, there is pretty much, no escaping it. Hence, if we live from a getting paradigm we really miss the boat as to what our Passion and Purpose is.

There are obstacles, pitfalls, self defeating behaviors and beliefs that inhibit your capacity to fulfill your Passion and Purpose. They each have elements of fear which creates separation from our own authenticity.

The first obstacle we want to share with you is the “Pleasing Others” Syndrome (also referred to as Co-Dependence). If in your work/service experience there is a predisposition to look for approval, to be constantly worrying about pleasing others, this focus gets in the way of the joy and gratification that accompanies the work you are doing. It creates a burden and heaviness when the primary motive is about seeking validation. Embedded in this dynamic is a tremendous amount of fear and insecurity.

This fear can grip you in a way that creates more and more anxiety about performance and approval ratings, and thus robs you of the dopamine response (natural opiates in the brain) that is released when we are giving from a place of authenticity. It is not so much how you are in service to others as it is where you are coming from attitudinally. The more you unleash and dig out your fears, the more you will gravitate towards the Passion and Purpose that is waiting to reveal itself within you.

When we speak of fears it is in reference to the self deception, the limitations and the erroneous belief systems that inhibit going for your Greatness. Needless to say, there are healthy fears that keep you safe and protected. These fears are wired into our brains so that we don’t put ourselves in harms way. The trick is being able to distinguish when it is truly our healthy fear responses being activated vs. a distorted belief that you need constant approval or validation for you to matter.

The second obstacle to living from a place of Passion and Purpose is the attitude and accompanying behaviors that say you must be the “Superstar”. Again, fear is going to be dwelling at the core of this ideology you live from. When you work from a place of Kindness, Compassion and Empathy, these forms of vulnerability become very empowering.

To operate from arrogance (I do no wrong) leaves you without humility, which is a fundamental part of   fulfilling Passion and Purpose. We have to be willing and able to forgive our mistakes and allow for error, as long as we are honestly working towards the greater good of those we serve. When you can honestly say that you have given of yourself for fun and for free, without the need of reward or recognition, then you are living in a state of Passion and Purpose.

The third pitfall that stands in the way of living from an authentic place of Passion and Purpose is leaving your spirit out of the process. Passion and Purpose bring with it a creative energy that feels fulfilling. You can feel tired at the end of the day as a result of the work you have done, but to equal measure there is energy that you experience as a result of the creative process.

In the corporate world, individuals have been taught to leave their soul out of the equation. If we don’t bring our soul to work, then climbing the corporate ladder or creating business “success” is an empty experience that leaves you pushing, pushing and pushing looking for that elusive thing we call happiness and fulfillment. Bringing our spirit and soul to work is the happiness and fulfillment.

The fourth obstacle that stands in the way of fulfilling Passion and Purpose is perfectionism. The perfectionist has unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. If you are invested in always being right, in making others wrong, this will greatly inhibit your pursuit of happiness and create a barrier in the fulfilling of your Passion and Purpose.

We can all strive for excellence without the need to dominate, control and be critical of ourselves and others. Once again, the lack of compassion, kindness and empathy, dwells at the center of perfectionism. And embedded at the core, is fear. When you live from a critical and controlling place the unauthentic response to being challenged will create defensiveness. As a result, there will be disconnection and alienation, even if you’re right.

All of the above obstacles and pitfalls are centered in fear. Out of the fear a belief system of selfishness and self centeredness is designed. These pitfalls are so embedded into our work culture that they are seen as normal. Fortunately, more and more of us are awakening to the need for change and finding ways to be fulfilled and happy in service to others.

Natural law will always work on our behalf when we are fulfilling our Passion and Purpose. As you follow your calling, people, resources and support systems will just show up. You are no different than a lighthouse with its beacon showing the way home to the ships at sea. The life force within each of us is the core of our authenticity and hence, our creativity. When connected to this deep place within we will circumvent fear and attract all of the good we could ever imagine.

Below are a few questions to ask yourself in your pursuit of Passion and Purpose.

1. What excites you in a way that you would want to participate in daily?
2. When you are doing this exciting thing, does time and space temporarily cease to exist?
3. Do you feel challenged at a physical, emotional and spiritual level?
4. Is there a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment and achievement that manifests from these challenges?
5. When participating in what excites you, do you have a clear sense that this is what you want to be doing?
6. Do you enjoy this work so much that you would do it for free?
7. Do you get excited when you talk to others about what you do?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions you are certainly living from a place of Passion and Purpose. If you find you just wake up to go to your job without the accompanying passion, creativity and excitement, give yourself permission to get support. You deserve to feel fulfilled in this lifetime, and to be able to look back and feel you’ve made a difference for the better of mankind and/or the planet.

Please feel free to contact Bob and Brad at info@thepowerofthanks.com.This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it  We love hearing from you. Barring any additional unforeseen circumstances, we should have our blog up and running within the next 2 weeks. We look forward to hearing from each of you and weighing in on thoughts, ideas and feelings as well as the sharing of your wisdom.

Blessings,

Bob and Brad

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Last week my daughter Rachel finished her last day of middle school. In the rich tradition of our relationship, I Bob took off of work on her first day of summer break so we could hang out together.

We enjoyed a leisurely Friday morning still in pajamas with a delightful sleep in, a home cooked breakfast and the watching of a Gilmore Girls DVD; one of my daughters favorite TV series. In the mix, we engaged in some rich banter and meaningful conversation about the completion of another year of school. As we wound up our relaxing and joyful morning, we made our way out into the world to accomplish a multitude of errands.

I was in “dad heaven”, thoroughly enjoying my time with Rachel; the sharing, the giggling and the shared feelings of gratitude for being alive. Our last stop of the day was to pick up some “carry out” for lunches that we would eat back at the house.  We stopped at the Pavilions where Rachel purchased a Keva juice and I, a salad from Quiznos with honey mustard dressing. Pulling into the driveway to our home we observed the tons of stuff we had picked up as we scavengered around Albuquerque. Rachel grabbed the lunches and I grabbed my coffee cup and a few other items as well. This was clearly a 2 trip endeavor between the car and the house. As Rachel approached the house, one of the containers of honey mustard dressing fell out of the bag and splattered into the driveway.

I felt an immediate surge of anger boil up inside of me. I put my coffee cup on the car hood and it too fell on the ground which served to fuel my anger. I took the bag with the salad from Rachel and in angry silence walked swiftly into the house. My daughter verbalized that “everything is ok dad” as she proceeded to grab a couple of paper towels to clean up the mess in the driveway. In my scorn I told her I would hose down the mess and not to bother with the paper towels. And so I did. Once the moment passed and the 2 of us sat down to eat lunch, the shame of my reaction to the incident was bubbling up. I spoke to Rachel about how sorry I was for my disproportionate reaction and that it had absolutely nothing to do with her. She replied by iterating how her clarity of knowing me so well allows her to not take it personally.

Rachel has witnessed my anger and annoyance on a number of occasions over the years and fortunately because she has a very strong, healthy core, it allowed her to hold a solid emotional boundary with me. We had a very rich dialog that manifested out of this event. As the shame dissipated I reflected over the years of my life (as I often do after a growth opportunity presents itself) acknowledging the gravity of rage I once carried. This rage had roots back to early childhood. Getting this perspective allowed me to come back to the acceptance of myself, allowing me to gain perspective on the progress I have made. I have been actively addressing this character flaw for 25 plus years, and it seems to be in no danger of fully extinguishing itself. Honesty is one of the core principles in our THANKs® program that many of you who employ our services get to work with.

We believe that self honesty is an indispensable principle towards the creation of self change and transformation. With that said, it is very clear that there are, for each of us, character flaws that keep journeying with us throughout our lives. Brad and I have worked with many clients who have mistakenly believed that they have been relieved of a particular flaw only to find it blind sides them at some point. They find this unexpected recurrence to be unacceptable and then proceed to berate themselves unmercifully. As we actively address these demons as part of our journey within, to equal measure the acceptance of their existence is essential.

If we are honestly working towards the decreasing and eventual elimination of these character flaws that have haunted us, then the acceptance allows us to coexist with them. Whether it’s our anger, pride, greed, fear of lack, gossip, selfishness or any other shortcoming that reveals itself in our character at unexpected times, it is the acceptance of these flaws that gives us as much freedom as their elimination. In no way does the acknowledgment and acceptance of these character flaws negate us from the accountability of the harm they do to others. When our shortcomings hurt someone else, we are 100% accountable for making amends and asking for forgiveness. There is a wonderful technique that allows for the daily application of intention and self honesty to help us work with our inner demons. It also serves to bring us to increasing acceptance of self with the existence of these flaws. First and foremost, we will have to engage in a self honesty appraisal of what these demons are.

Once this is accomplished then we can begin to work with the “Intention and Direction Loop” that Brad and I created in our continued quest to live the THANKs® program. We have found so much value in this methodology that we have been using it as a tool for clients to integrate into their daily lives. The following is a step by step process that engages you in the facilitation of addressing and actively dealing with your inner demons as well as creating greater acceptance of yourself. Below are the 7 building blocks for successfully addressing and effectively dealing with your inner demons. Each one builds on the preceding one taking you through an “Intention and Direction Loop”. Give it a try and see what you think!

Step 1: Sit down quietly for 15 minutes and think about patterns, behaviors and/or attitudes that have been a part of your adult life that you have struggled with.

Step 2: Write down these patterns, behaviors and/or attitudes that you have struggled with throughout your adult life.

Step 3: Each morning, depending on how ambitious you are, you can write down or just contemplate on one of these behaviors, patterns and/or attitudes that you would like to work on for the day. Focus on your intention and direction. Ask yourself how you want to behave and what behavior or attitude you want to bring into the day in place of the existing behavior or attitude.

Step 4: Take a few minutes to think about where this change will challenge you the most and think about how you want to respond in that situation or circumstance. You now have intention and direction on the desired character trait you want to display.

Step 5: As you embark on your day take a minute mid-morning and another minute mid-afternoon to take a spot check inventory of how your intention and direction is going. Just take note. In addition, pay attention throughout the day when you are achieving your desired intention and when you aren’t. If you can catch yourself in the old pattern, behavior and/or attitude, see if you can switch gears to your desired intention. This will take lots of practice (The secret about change is that you can make the desired change regardless of how you feel in the moment. If you feel angry and tend to fly off the handle, try staying focused on your intention and direction even when you feel the anger).

Step 6: At days’ end, take 5 minutes and account for how the day went. Focus on your successes as well as the times you came up short on your desired intention. Write down any changes you want to add into the intention and direction for the next day.

Step 7: This is where you loop into the start of the following day. Start the same process over again, bringing with you the information from the day before. In addition, when you are ready, you can add new behaviors, patterns, and/or attitudes that you want to focus your intention and direction towards. This looping keeps you plugged into a daily process and habit. This principle of intention works only if you work it. Day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year, a positive accumulative effect will manifest. The hardest part for individuals is staying consistent with the practice, and developing it as a daily habit.

The practice of this intention principle works wonders to increase our levels of self acceptance if the motive truly is to change for the better. We have found this methodology to be most successful when worked on with group or professional support. Reporting the events of the process on a weekly basis, as well as receiving support and getting questions answered, has helped countless individuals transform their lives, even when the ongoing challenges of their character flaws continue to resurface at different times. As is said in the 12 step recovery rooms, Practice not Perfection! As always, let us know what you think and how this is working for you. We love the e-mails as well as your shared experiences on our blog. Be well. Bob & Brad